Family Guy Quotes V

Peter: Look at this, Lois, see right here [points in book], I was voted most likely to succeed!
Lois: Peter, that's not you. That's not even a yearbook, it's a People magazine.
Peter: Oh, I wondered why they had the wrong picture and name.

(Flashback to a school in what looks like Pilgrim times. A girl gives an answer to a math question.)
Teacher: That's correct. A girl answered a math problem. You know what that means. A WITCH!"
Kids: WITCH! WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!

Chris: Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
Peter: Math? Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.

Peter (watching tv with Meg): Who needs Brian? I have you to hang with me. (Starts talking to Meg like a dog as he's pointing at the tv.) Who that? Who that? Is that a dog, is it? Is that a dog right there? Look, see, see, Meg? Go get it! See? See the dog on tv? Who's the dog on tv?
Meg (yells at Peter): I'm not a dog, you fat bastrad!!!

Cleveland: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?
Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest.

(Stewie runs out of house naked, after a bath, and rolls in mud.)
Stewie: Look Lois! I'm not clean anymore!
(Peter-washing his car-sprays Stewie clean with the hose)
Peter: There you go.
(Stewie looks DOWN at himself in shock.)
Stewie: OH MY GOD! I'm a woman!!

Stewie: Let me tell you something Nessa, a bullet sounds the same in every language. So stick a fucking sock in it you cow!

(Chris jumps on Peter's lap)
Chris: Dad, the scouts are no fun. I just want to draw. Oh, and... [kisses Peter]
Peter: Son, I am going to stand up, walk out of this room, and we are never to speak of this again.

Meg: I miss Uncle Patrick.
Lois: Don’t worry kids I promise we can visit him once a month
Chris: We’ll be his period.

Stewie: Duck, duck, (slaps Janet on the head) GOOSE! (Janet cries)
Stewie: Oh come on I barely hit you! See this is why people don't respect the WNBA!

Brian: Oh my god! They're eating Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa!
Peter: That's crazy...they'll just be hungry again in an hour.

(Meg walks into the dining room with her new lesbian look).
Chris: Mom, why is the cable guy here?