Family Guy Quotes III

Peter: Hey, what are you doing here?
Superman: I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phonebook.

Peter-YO LOIS!
Lois-WHAT?
Peter- I'm packing for Kiss-stock and I can't find my favorite underwear.
Lois-You mean the pair with the rip in the right butt check from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trotts?
Peter-No, no the pair with the whole in the left butt check from when I held it in for two hours cuz it was an extra long Palm Sunday church sermon and I thought that blowing gas would offend jesus so I let it go in the vestabule after mass and it sounded like Louie Armstrong.
Lois-Oh! Bottom drawer.

Peter: Make like Siamese twins and split ... and then one of you die.

Lois: Good, I don't have to cook.
Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we'll throw it out. I don't want you to get rusty

Peter (watching Cricket on British TV): What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it's Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter: Anybody get that?
Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette."
Peter: Well, someone tell this "cigarette" to shut up.

Peter (to Lois): Lois, The Drunken Clam has been taken over by a bunch of limey tea suckin British bastards.
Nigel Pinchly (Brit): I guess I'm the limely bastard who purchased your bar, bit of an awkward moment really.
Peter: Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment, one time during sex I called Lois Frank! Your move Sherlock.

Bob Barker: Alright now, let's start the bidding. Jennifer? How much do you bid on the dinette set?
Jennifer: Uh...$675 Bob.
Bob Barker: $675. Steven?
Steven: $780.
Bob Barker: $780. Tammy?
Tammy: $781.
Steven (to Tammy): F**k you!

Peter: I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. You're my silver medal.

Joe: Maybe Peter took the trophy, he wanted it all along.
Peter: I couldn't have taken it, I was too busy breakin' into Joe's garage stealin' his ladder so I could steal the trophy tonight!
Lois: Peter!
Peter: What? It's a ladder, he can't use it. It's like takin' a watch off a dead guy.

Peter: Can't we tell them that your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that.
Peter: All right, all right, I'll kill your mother.