Family Guy Quotes IV

Lois: Chris, we know what you did.
Chris: You mean that I lied about my age to get into an Indian casino?
Lois: No.
Chris: You mean about the time I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but no.
Stewie: How is that close?

Peter: First of all Bonnie, you've been pregnant for like 6 years! Are you gonna have the baby or not?

Quagmire (runs outside in a robe): Hey guys, what's going on? I was just jerki ... ed out of a deep sleep.

Kidnapper: You know I've got some candy in my van if your kid wants some.
Lady: Oh great! (She's about to hand kid to kidnapper...) Huh! Wait a second!
Kidnapper: Aww, you got me! You got me! Oh...I'll get him though, I'll get him.
Lady: I bet you will! I bet you will...

Meg: Wow! This looks just like my room at home!
Lois: Yeah! Except for all of the trophies and pictures of friends.

Meg: I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?
Lois: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?
Chris: A bitch.

Peter: Well, we promised Lois we'd use our powers responsibly, but I suppose doing the exact opposite couldn't hurt

Peter: At least they don't put their feminine ointments next to the mustard, Lois. That was the worst hot dog I ever ate.

Lois: Peter, I'm off to my book club, don't forget you have to go to the PTA meeting.
Peter: Me? Go to a PTA meeting? What are you high?
Lois: Nah, not anymore, I crashed hours ago. By the way, we are out of chips, cookies, and funnybones. Now, I'm going to my book club and you are going to the meeting.